


Ace

by orphan_account



Series: Angst [3]
Category: jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Asexuality, Depression, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, References to Depression, asexual!Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-25 14:36:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6198856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack's struggling with his sexuality and Mark just wants to know what's wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ace

**Author's Note:**

> tw // depression, panic & anxiety attacks, anxiety, coming out

_Disgusting._

It was the middle of a thunderstorm and Jack was in deep thought, his eyes glued to the door. If anyone were to walk in right now and take one glance at his computer screen - there would be so many possibilities running through their head. Of course, Mark was fast asleep as far as Jack knew and Matt and Ryan weren't even home. Therefore, there was no reason anyone would come barging in - but the point was there, nevertheless. Sitting on the guest bed, his laptop resting on his knees, he had one tab open on a page about being asexual,  _asexuality.org_ was actually a very informative, helpful website. Another tab was on some random porn video, a guy and a girl getting it on in an office space.  _Pornhub.com_ wasn't as helpful.

Jack focused his eyes back on the screen, watching the couple start to take off their clothing. The female was sat on top of the desk and the male was on his knees, pulling her panties off. Jack shivered, immediately clicking the red X in the right corner of the screen. He'd tried lesbian porn, gay porn, and now  _straight_ porn - nothing worked. He felt aroused, not by much, but picturing himself with a girl (or even a guy,) changed the tune almost instantaneously. He didn't want to have sex with anyone, nor did he want to masturbate. It grossed him out. He hated everything about sex - the moaning, the whimpering, the screaming. Everything he could hear made him sick to his stomach. The undressing, too. He didn't want anyone to undress him, he could do that himself, but he only wanted to undress if he was going to change or take a shower. Jack hated every aspect of any sexual act. To put it in a more simpler way, Jack didn't want to have sex. Or anything like that. With anyone.

He began reading some facts on the  _asexuality.org_ page, biting his lip. It all made sense. He knew from a very young age something was either majorly wrong with him - a deficiency in blood cells or some weird shit like that - or that he was strangely, unwillingly different than everyone else. It turned out to be the latter. Jack could feel tears in his eyes and he sighed, scrolling down on the page a little more. The page read - "Many asexual people experience attraction, but we feel no need to act out that attraction sexually." Jack nodded. He thought a lot of people were attractive, each in their own little ways. He just didn't want to take them home and fuck them senseless.

A clap of thunder suddenly shook the house, making Jack jump up in surprise. He completely forgot about the pouring rain slamming against his window. He was too caught up trying to figure himself out. 

_I'm asexual. Okay. Okay. I'm attracted to boys. I'm gay and I'm fucking asexual._

Jack's mind began to wander and he closed the tab, shutting the laptop and plugging it in on the bedside table next to him. "M' into men." Jack said out loud. He'd known he was gay forever, but he never really 'came out' because he talked about boys just like his friends talked about girls. Nobody really minded his sexual orientation (as long as he didn't 'rub it in their face.') All of his fans online knew he was gay, his friends and family certainly knew. Jack was basically an open book, you say 'hello' and he'll tell you all his secrets, everything that ever ran through his mind. The only thing he'd been hiding was that he was _ace_.

Feeling both afraid and grateful that he'd finally accepted himself and his sexuality, Jack rolled over and pulled the sheets up to his chin, falling asleep. The rain made it easier to clear his head.

* * *

"Jack, wake up, you fuck." Mark said, keeping his voice quiet but still loud enough for Jack to hear. Jack buried his head in his pillow, squeezing his eyes shut. "Five more minutes," He tried, but Mark only chuckled. "No. It's almost noon," He demanded, shaking Jack's shoulder. Jack huffed. "Fine." He said, sitting up. Mark was stood next to his bed, glaring at him. "It's about time. How long were you up?" He asked, crossing his arms. Jack shrugged. "I don't remember," He lied. Jack was up till approximately 5:22 a.m., researching different sexual orientations whilst coming to terms with his own. Mark rolled his eyes. "Whatever." He mumbled, walking out of Jack's room without another word. Jack watched him go confusedly. It was Jack's vacation, shouldn't _he_ decide when he woke up and went to sleep? Why was Mark so worried about it?

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Jack stood up lazily and rubbed his eyes. He walked into the bathroom, quickly finishing his business and washing his hands, going back into the guest room he was currently staying in. He opened his suitcase, rummaging through it to find a new shirt, picking out his burgundy sweater and throwing it on. Jack always slept in sweatpants (and boxers, of course) but he rarely ever wore a shirt. He trudged out to the kitchen, seeing Mark sat at the dining room table, scrolling on his phone and eating a handful of green grapes. 

_God, he's beautiful._

Mark was wearing black sweatpants and his 'lucky' flannel, his glasses sliding halfway down his nose. "Mornin'," Jack smiled, walking over and taking a seat in front of Mark. "Hey," Mark replied, setting his phone down. "You alright?" he questioned and Jack's smile faltered a little, but he managed to recover quickly. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" He replied, reaching over and stealing a couple of Mark's grapes. Mark didn't seem phased. "You've seemed off since you got here." Mark admitted, shrugging to himself. "Maybe it was just me, but - I don't know."

Jack laughed a little. "No, I'm great!" He smirked, shaking his head. "I love it here. I love you, and the guys, o' course." Jack said and Mark just rolled his eyes. "So, what are we gonna do today? I need some fresh air."

Alright, so maybe Jack had a little crush on Mark. Maybe his little crush wasn't so little anymore. Maybe Jack was in love with the man. But he'd never admit that to anyone, not even himself. Mark was straight, as far as Jack knew, and wouldn't date Jack anyway - who _would_ date someone who was partially sex repulsed? Mark wouldn't.

* * *

"You're such a fucking loser! I won that fair and square!" Mark yelled, throwing his fists up in the air. "No you didn't! You totally cheated!" Jack retorted, giggling a little. Mark's face was bright red and he could almost be passed off as a tomato in the supermarket, which, they needed to go to later. "I did not. You just don't know how to play," Mark laughed and Jack sighed. "Alright, alright, whatever." He hissed, standing up. "I need another beer." He said blatantly, walking over to the kitchen and grabbing yet another Bud Light from the fridge. In Jack's opinion, it wasn't the best, but it was all Mark had and it still had alcohol. Mark rolled his eyes, watching the Irishman uncap the bottle and drink it without stopping.

"We gotta go out today," Mark reminded him - shutting off the game console and standing up to face Jack. "Don't get too tipsy," he warned. Jack rolled his eyes. "Did ya honestly think I would?" Jack slurred, stepping forward. Mark's face was _too_ close to his, close enough for them to be _more than friends_. He could feel Mark's breath down his neck, making him shiver. He didn't like it. He didn't want to be _that_ close to him. Not _now_.

Jack stepped back and Mark sighed, turning. "I'll be out in an hour or so." he mumbled, walking away to his bedroom. Jack really, really wanted to go after him, but he didn't, laying down on the couch and falling asleep instead. Sleeping was safer than approaching the one you love, right?

About three hours later, Jack was shook awake - but he instantly recognized the hand as not Mark's, but someone else's. Opening his eyes, he squinted at the person. "Matt, what?" He hissed, rolling over. "Wake up, it's.. urgent." Matt whispered, keeping his voice quiet. Jack sat up, frowning. "What do ya mean by urgent?" He asked, also keeping his voice quiet (although he didn't know the reason.) "Well, I'd consider it urgent... I felt like you'd want to know." Matt replied and Jack looked at him oddly. "Go on." He prodded and Matt sat down next to him. "Mark's out at the store, but we arrived before he left. He said he didn't wanna disturb you because, supposedly, you didn't get much sleep last night - and I asked why, which he didn't know the answer to. He.. he went into the guest bedroom and got your laptop, Jack. He knew your password and checked your history, mumbling something about how fucked up it was. He put the laptop back before he left." Matt explained and Jack's heart began to pound. Mark _knew_ and Mark hated him and _Mark_.

"So he knows," Jack breathed, shaking his head. He didn't feel like crying, maybe curling up in a corner somewhere and not coming back out until he was dead, though. "What, Jack? What does he know?" Matt asked, leaning forward like it was an episode on 'Gossip Girl' or 'Pretty Little Liars' and serious secrets were about to be spilled. Jack shook his head. "I bet you'll find out soon enough," he mumbled, standing up. "Tell him to come see me if he wants. Also tell him he's a dick." Jack spat, slamming the door behind him as he waltzed into the guest bedroom, breaking down in tears right after the door was shut.

He could hear Matt running up the stairs to go get Ryan - but nothing would get him to open that damned door.

Except for maybe Mark.

* * *

"Jack?" Mark asked, tapping on the door lightly. Jack's eyes flickered over the lock and he sighed, keeping his mouth shut. "Jack, I'm sorry." Mark mumbled, biting his lip. Matt had told him that he felt obliged to tell Jack of Mark's doings - which, neither of them were technically mad at each other - and how Jack locked himself away and didn't come back out. It scared them all.

"Go away!" Jack said loudly, pressing 'Upload' on one of his pre-recorded videos and staring at the bar fill slowly. "I have a key - this is _my_ house, after all." Mark replied and Jack could hear the doorknob rattling and knew Mark was coming in anyway. Once the door was unlocked, Mark opened it and sighed. "Jack." He whispered, closing the door behind him and approaching the other.

Jack pressed himself up against the wall, looking the other way. "I told ya I don't wanna talk to ya," He responded, taking a deep breath. "I know what you're thinking, Jack - I don't hate you. I don't think you're broken or fucked up or anything." Mark murmured. Jack's eyes widened and he bit his lip. "Then why did ya say it?" Jack whispered confusedly. It didn't make sense. Mark was sure to hate him. Their friendship was absolutely doomed.

"Because you didn't tell me," Mark mumbled. Jack looked up at him, shaking his head. "Why does that even bother you?"

"I deserve to know - loving you and all." Mark retorted and Jack had to do a double take, biting his lip. "You don't mean that." He sighed, ignoring Mark as he sat down next to Jack and stared at him.

"But yet, I do." Mark whispered, leaning close to Jack's face. Jack swallowed thickly and ignored his heart beating out of his chest. Mark leaned forward, their lips almost touching, almost like Mark was waiting for Jack to either push him away and say no, or to accept the fact and say _yes_.

"Yeah," Jack whispered, closing the gap between the two. Mark could've sworn he felt sparks fly.

 


End file.
